"been down so long it looks like Up to me"

Sometimes, I feel low. I do not like the edgy, dark whorls of panic and anxiety that bubble up at times. How could they not, though? Being an artist is serious shit. You give give give of yourself and rarely ask for anything back. You hope that people will enjoy what you do but rarely enjoy it yourself. And you worry about the next meal, the next pint, the next pad of paper.
Sometimes, people get you down. Sometimes you feel like putting your head down and just giving the fuck up. Of course, I cannot do that. I got two kids and a job and people to see and shit to do. No time for lying down and crying. So I drew this at work yesterday, and felt a TINY bit better. Like I'd had a cry.
I came home to some unpleasantness, which happens from time to time.... and all I could say was "that's life." I had already done my drawing, and could not get upset.
Not all my art is nice, not all is pretty.

"The First Unicorn" or ~"CREDO: I believe!"

Unicorn #1~India Ink

I believe in magic again. I do. Since I started REALLY drawing again three years ago I've gotten back in touch with my inner child. I had a wonderful childhood, filled with memories of drawing and scampering around rivers and more drawing and more rivers.

Many months ago now, I was looking at some of the drawings I had taken down in gesture drawing, and was struck by the confidence of the model. She is the kind of model that makes the room just drop away. We don't exist. We artists on the periphery are lucky we get to be there and observe, but I sense that modelling time is her time to build confidence and strength. It shines out of the markings.

I was also thinking of my confident, beautiful friend. She is a "unicorn:" a beautiful, single woman in the swinger lifestyle. She has taught me so much about self-esteem, sensuality, and how to get in touch with your emotions, good and bad ones, and face them. It's not all we talk about; as artists, our conversations roam everywhere, but it comes up, naturally. Now, when I feel crummy and ugly and old I stop for a minute and think "hmmmm... why am I thinking that?" And suddenly ugly and old doesn't even matter.

This Unicorn is an homage to all beautiful, mythical things that we never think will appear in our lives, but certainly do. I think it's time we all allowed a bit MORE mythology into our lives. Yeah yeah the Enlightenment was fun for some people, but we lost our Inner Child as a species.... all Order with no heart led to the Third Reich, after all. We can step back from our cold, calculated greed. We just inherited it; that doesn't mean we have to keep it. I say bring on the magic, bring in the myth. Let me sacrifice a dove to Venus today on an altar, please. I want to experience May Day the way May Day was meant to be experienced. Where is our Feast of Fools?

All I can offer you is this: a unicorn that knows no shame. 

Unicorn #2 ~pencil crayon

My Unicorn promotes herself well: this is her on the cover of Rolling Thunder Quarterly. Such a singular honour to have my drawing chosen to represent the spirit of written words. Seeing my work on a book cover was a fulfillment of a life-long dream. At 32. So, now that's in the bag, off to bigger things....

The Birth of Aphrodite

I'm having fun exploring the ancient Greek pantheon in my drawings, just like I used to as a kid. From the moment my grade 5 teacher exposed me to the myths I have been head-over-heels in love with them and drawn my own interpretations, not even aware that my behavior was part of the artistic tradition.

Oh, I love an allegory! I love wringing meaning and morals out of each tale. I love the personalities of the gods and goddesses. They help me understand being human a little better.

Aphrodite was born out of a violent act against the Patriarch. She is the result of a mixture of blood, semen, and sea foam, frothed into being from Uranos' testicles, cut from him by his son Kronos. She washed up on the shore of Kypros, accompanied by Eros and Himeros (longing) in Hesiod's version. When she steps onto the shore grasses grow up around her feet....

My Aphrodite struggles after her birth, spent and sodden. This is just a quick sketch, not more than 20 minutes in total. I like its raw energy.

And like every drawing, the pose, the attitude, the energy, the emotion.... they all come from my deepest places, my pains and triumphs. This drawing is no exception.

Here is another offering of the same theme, with my notes on the particular lines. I certainly hope you enjoy my treatment of a commonly explored myth :)

The Joy of Gesture Drawing

Gesture drawing...... 

The only time my mind is quiet is when I am drawing. Drawing so quickly and posing so dynamically is draining on both artist and model but invigorating, like going for a jog is. While I am drawing there is no thought in my head, no sound in the whole world that can reach me. I am a circle of energy flowing between eye, brain, arm, and hand. Never take your eyes off the subject for more than a few seconds. relax your f#&$!*g jaw. These are the only prompts from my otherwise silent computer brain.

The rest of the time my Gemini brain is yapping and yapping and yapping.....

I have a high I.Q. and graduated with a B.A. Honours in English long ago.... not sure why, with all my brains, I keep being sucked back to drawing again and again.....

Persephone Awaits Hades.... Dreamily

Spring is finally here!

Persephone's story is an allegorical one. I'll let you unpack it yourself - you are intelligent enough. I unpack it then rearrange the pieces. My Persephone wants to revel in the dark side a little. She is sunny and funny, yes, but deeply dark too.... Spring is cold at night, recall.

And pomegranate arils.... mmmm.... sexy!

"Mermeh" ~ or "Why I decided to go to Figure Drawing"

This drawing dates from YEARS ago... I just found it two days ago and had a good laugh. How nice of me to share something I find sub-par, eh? 

I drew this from a photo in a men's health magazine (they also feature many healthy female specimens of the species). I wanted a three-dimentional feel but didn't know how to lay down angles and straight lines, like building a structure to pour the concrete into....

so this is from about four years ago - 2007. I would like to think I've improved. I've learned, at least, that the best results come from drawing from life. Yes, a live model moves and breathes and eventually relaxes or tightens the muscles. Long pose models soften and slouch while gesture models firm up with the effort of twisting and holding themselves in such dynamic ways. Like day and night. I need both. It's good to learn how to move your drawing with the model. If you make the mark once you can CERTAINLY make it again, so I'm crazy with my eraser. I use it as much as I use the pencil.

Drawing from life really feels like tracing. What I'm tracing is in front of my face, not under the paper, and that is the only difference. I begin by picking raw straight lines out of the air around the model and laying them down like sticks on the paper, and soon you have a collection of angles that your brains sees as human. From there I tuck and cut and add and soften. I sculpt with my 2B pencil and my white eraser. I stop thinking and just give in to the motion of the pencil and the light falling gently in front of me, interrupted by the model's volume in space.....

There's also an energy in the drawings taken from life. The give-and-take energy flow between artist and model, subject and author, sparks on the paper. I am a low-fi girl. Give me paper and a pencil and an eraser. Give me a turntable and a vinyl record. Cleaned up digital stuff - well, that's what my frineds are for! I do the pencil work and then pass it along for some sprucing up and a colouring...

the best art is always a co-operative effort. Model and artist, artist and artist, artist and community. It's not easy to keep picking oneself up and keep being social, but without community and co-operation we artists are Nothing.

Here are three recent drawings from gesture drawing. The first two are one - three minute poses, and the third is a 15 minute pose.

And here are two examples of my long-pose work in conte crayons; about 2 hours of solid work. With breaks we stretch it to three.

Thanks for reading!

a soft focus

Like a child gazing into a mirror for the first few times, I am fascinated with the idealized images of myself I put down on paper. I know why I do it. It's a textbook case of self-exploration and a need to boost my self-esteem. It's also my way of sorting through all the powerful emotions...

Creative types are moody. No-one will contest that.

It is easier for me to draw myself as the helmeted and goggled warrior that I wish to be, but images revealing the softer side are harder for me and usually turn out looking awful. This one turned out alright - I was revelling in good company and a few too many drinks, and managed to put down on paper the way I felt. The original is done with gold ink from a friend's brushpen, so it shines in the light....

Other times I like to explore the lives I would love to live. I'm sure writers do it too :) Below is today's drawing of a flapper smoking the Devil's weed - a fine portrayal of another inner self.

Me... again.....

About once or twice a week I sit down to draw and, of course, my first few attempts are akward and sloppy. Rather than get frustrated I switch into something I know - doing myself in my beloved headgear. Always warms up my mojo.
I find this is also a good exercise for empowerment - how can I not feel strong and capable when I look at this?

My Own First Tattoo - Late Bloomer it is!

Finding my husband's tattoo concept sketch made me nostalgic to dig out this one.... the concept drawing for my own first tattoo. I was one of those "I'll never get a tattoo!" people until I dreamed this up as a joke - with a banner that reads "Late Bloomer." I couldn't stop thinking about it. There are about seven sketches previous to this one, so I was really trying hard and struggling back before I was doing much art. My kids were still little and it was hard to find the energy. I hammered this out though....

The artist, Deano, was thrilled, and honoured that he was my first ;) He and James Tex liked that I wanted my first tattoo to be so big and flashy. Getting the tattoo was an amazing experience - painful, naturally, but I was amazed to find myself doing just fine after 4.5 hours in the chair. 

Here is a photo of the tattoo in situ, and me, and my brother......

My Husband's Tattoo

My man Keith is my best friend, and the best drinking buddy a girl could ask for. Along the way we raucously and joyously designed this - and now it's on his left arm :)
He's a cook - and a damned good one. In his 15 year career he's become a master of breakfast. Who doesn't adore eggs benedict with freshly whipped-up holly sauce? Or a breakfast burrito to die for? I still crave the tostadas he made at Nellie's. Now he's the kitchen manager at the Dairy Lane cafe and is receiving accolades. I'm so proud of him.... and proud that he wears my design on his arm forever!

Miss Mercury

I was looking at a picture of my mother at age 22 just a few weeks ago, seeing so much of my own face. I began to draw this and my own face kinda blended in too.
I am a great lover of the Greek myths, and an avid reader of Roman poetry. Out of my infantile religiosity rises a respect for the god of my sun sign, Mercury. Many of my self-portraits portay me as wearing an aviator helmet, goggles, or a helmet of some sort. I adore being able to play out my fantasies and self-delusions with a pencil. Sculpt myself out of thin air, if you will. Inform my future.
I keep running away from being an artist, but it seems to have chosen me. So a smile through the tears. Thanks, Merc, for looking out for this silly Gemini girl ;)

Here, for example, is me in the aviator helmet and goggles I own, and the WWII nightshirt, enjoying my usual pastimes.....

This drawing is from Thursday, June 2. I've been thinking alot lately about my upbringing, and how rooted I was in the deep, cool, dark parts of organized religion. I didn't love God or feel anyhting akin to a Holy Spirit, but I felt the glory and magnificence of Human Beings celebrating. My father was the minister of a high Anglican church, so I was surrounded by pomp and circumstance. I would sneak my little buddies into the church, "marry" them, then let them make out in the hidden rooms and corriders that unfold like a Tardis in any old church.
Now I'm nothing near a christian, but the morality of it still interferes with my freedoms, especially as a woman. I gave up the Church but it won't let go of me! I want to expunge it, though, but failing that I decided to USE it.
This drawing is my own expression of how sick I am of being "pure" and "untouchable" - longing for a way to rip off the gown and wimple and just be revealed as myself.
I'm working on it!
<3

Open Book

Here's one of my personal favourites. It betrays my Gemini personality metaphorically - such an open book, but so closed in the most vital of areas. This Gemini gem revels in the privacy of her masks and recirculated air.... and doesn't mind if you want to look.
Her hair is inspired by Bettie Page, natch.....

My family and I just moved recently, and one of the best things that came from the move was finding all the STUFF that had hidden itself away over the years. I uncovered this painting from 1999, back when I was still a teenager! I was so happy to have found this particular painting.
Firstly, I know nothing of how to paint. I just jump in and do it. I'm proud to see how I managed back then, and understood that working from life creates vivid, energetic images.
Secondly, this room is very special to me. This is the upper bedroom in my grandparents' home in Tweed, Ontario. I adore the poppy wallpaper. The window looks out onto a wall of morning glories. Nearly every night in that part of Ontario a storm whips up, and I would throw the window completely open and stand in the rage of those amazing storms.
My grandparents always gave me alot of space as a little girl, since that's what I needed.... I really found who I was in those moments sipping from a bone china mug with roses on it.... just thinking.....

Hello there!
Here are two little bookend drawings I did.... hope you enjoy :)