A gift for a good friend <3

Inktense

Erotica is really where my heart is: I want to make people feel good about being human. I like being a human, personally. We are lucky that our sexuality is linked to our mentality. We are playful, intense, and joyful creatures. I get the added bonus of being a female human ;) I can't imagine a better thing to be on this planet.... yup, being a woman is where it's At!

Empress at Heart

Lately I feel like a queen. It's been nice to experience a little bit of adoration, to be cherished a bit. I hear that I'm beautiful now. Everyone deserves to hear that they are beautiful.

It's been wonderful to find the Empress in me, the Woman of Power. It's helping me deal with stress and work as hard as a single mom has to. I went from feeling frumpy and old and disastrous to feeling regal in a short time. 

Spirals begin with small motions on the interior, then whip outwards in ever larger circles.... I'm on my way to loving myself and discovering my true potential. It's quite the journey! 

Oh Deer....

Don't you wish, sometimes, that you could speak up for yourself a bit more? I love being a woman, yes... but I have a hard time seeing the power in it some days. Today I just feel kinda used and trampled on by life. We all have those days. I'm usually happy, but when my heart gets heavy I hit the paper and draw it out.
Some day I'd like to hold the bow and arrow, inflict the wounds. Have something to gut and chop up and eat for dinner, rather than feeling like dinner.
Agency. Without the deer there would be no hunter. I have to remember that little fact. There is power in being a woman.... right?

Athena's Turn to Pose

It's been about two weeks since I last drew.... Ack! Too long! But in my defense I was super busy in all the best ways. In that two weeks I have changed and grown a wee bit... and lo and behold I found my style loosened up for some reason. I used my pencil like a paintbrush for this drawing. What you DON'T see is all the marks I've erased, like I've been using the eraser to push the graphite around on the page, sculpting it. I hit it with some ink for fun. Just for fun. 

I have no idea what I'm doing when I draw: it just kind of takes me over and pushes my hand around.

So this is Pallas Athena, in the flesh. The Parthenos, the Virgin. Ol' Grey-eyes Herself. She normally is more modest than this, I admit, but I seem to put my models at ease, even when I've just pictured them in my head ;) She has cast aside her armour and spear and Aegis and is just enjoying being a beautiful woman in her own beautiful skin. As we all should now and then.

I generally enjoy my own drawings! This one feels a bit rusty to me though, and I immediately see a million things I want to tweak, but Hey, it's my day off and I want to drink a beer and watch Breaking Bad and relax a bit... so that's what I'm going to do! I hope you enjoy it :D

Artemis, Goddess Extraodinaire!

Artemis, Goddess of the Moon and the Hunt, is one of my favourite subjects to explore. I have this fun vision of her as a strong independant young lady, but I also see her as very saucy and flirty. Just because she is a "virgin" doesn't mean she doesn't know how to have a good time.... after all she tends to be surrounded by other beautiful young lady followers. The Greeks had a word or two for homosexuality but I'll bet Artemis kept her business to herself......

I drew this with graphite while listening to MIA's newest album MAYA, so I'm sure she's about to bounce off the page. Her hips seem to be wiggling to MIA's amazing beats. The music I listen to while drawing always effects my final desicions, unconsciously. Then I nailed down the contour with a felt pen and hit her with some acrylic ink and watercolour. And some China ink for her luxurious black locks.

All told this picture took about two and a half hours. It was an awesome way to spend a day off!
I drew this to impress a new friend of mine, who is also an artist.... what me show off? Never! ^.^

From the Moment We are Born we Begin to Die

 

 I'm not sure I ever want to make money from my art, or try to hustle it, or use it so badly as that. Art has another purpose in my life. Since I can't help but draw and paint I'll keep doing it, sure! but art is no Career. That would cheapen it. 

I did this painting for therapy and I'll share it with you. That's proof of my own generosity. I hope maybe it will help another person out there who is feeling ripped up and caged the same way as I do. I don't want to make a dime off my art, I just want to get through each ugly day. Making art affords me a chance to set my mind on something less ugly.

We are trying to start a revolution but have forgotten how to stand up for ourselves. We forget that YES we are born free, live free, and die free. We are all trying to get by. Find love. Find the next meal and a place to sleep safely. We are no more than animals. Look at how we treat animals - is it no wonder we treat each other so poorly? I am an animal. A ferocious one. A feral one. And one that wants to rip out her own heart and eat it.

It may sustain me another day. 

I'm Living

Bad things happen to good people. That's when we learn what we are really made of. I am made of some tough stuff, lemme tell ya! I decided not to get down about what I've gone through here in the USA, but instead I am making the very best of a scary situation. 

I don't travel as much as I'd like to. Now I think that's most likely a good thing. Being stranded in a country that is not your own can be scary, but it can also be exciting and wonderful. I found my way to my good friend here in the USA and she is nurturing me and caring for me. I'm glad I bounced back from my bad experience, glad I am as strong as I hoped I was.

So my impressions of the USA? Be careful and watch your step, but it can be fun......

Goddess Tryptic

 Here is a little series of Goddess. I love exploring my personality through these ladies. Here we have Artemis (with, YES, a Bettie Page flair), Aphrodite, and Athena, my personal favourite. These are done with ink on artists' trading cards. It was fun to work on such a tight area, but hard! Hope you enjoy :)

For the Cancer Man ;)

 

Broken Dolly

Sometimes we fall in love. Then we fall out of it. After my first torrid love affair (at 22) I became pregnant. Believing in Love I married the man. We had another baby. Now those babies are 6 and 9 years old, and I have been discarded. My kids and I miss eachother, but there is no love anymore from any other direction.

It wasn't fair, but I shouldn't be surprised about that. I was never told that life is fair, or that people are just. Still, one FEELS. I wish to forgive my ex-spouse for the harms he heaped on me because I need to move forward, love myself again.

I drew this purely for therapy. I need to express my horror at being thrown away and excluded from my little family. I bore my children under my heart. I made them with my body. My uses continued after their birth, but my man wanted new toys and got sick of the sight of this one. And so I was run out....

Someday I'll find the person who makes me feel like a goddess rather than a sack of trash. Someday I'll find a man who thinks I'm good enough to fuck AND take out on dates. All I care about is not being a dolly anymore, and NOT BEING BROKEN.

Back in the game

I haven't been to a long-pose figure drawing studio in quite some time! 9 months to be precise, when I gave up my own studio. Running the thing kinda took the fun out of it. After my hiatus it feels wonderful to focus on a long pose. I felt kind of rusty I admit! I had fun, and that's the whole point of playing. 

This model is one of my favourites for her quiet confidence :)

Free as a F@cking bird

It's been a very long time since I posted for a simple reason: my husband of over 9 years ran me out of my home with a weapon, and I am homeless now. I am enjoying the homelessness because of the newfound sense of complete freedom. I am like a cat, and happily found kind people who have taken me in and are feeding me and making sure I have a place to shower and clean my clothes.

I have been away from my "stuff" for six weeks now. I am loathe to retreive most of it. I miss my art supplies, and that's about all. Now I understand how possesions weigh us down and trap us.

I drew this two days ago after an amazing acid trip: Seed of Life is aptly named. And I realized my own freedom, and that I am my own best friend.

I can fly

I am a predator

Feast of Fools

unfinished but fun :)

Here are two drawings I worked on while on my little holiday at Motion Notion music festival, just outside of Drayton Valley here in gorgeous Alberta. I had the time of my life :) Being able to dress up and dance all night is a mind-expanding experience. Seeing community form in a matter of hours and sustaining a group of like-minded individuals is healing. Being complimented on my artwork and costumes didn't hurt either!

I recommend that we all dress up and put on costumes from time to time. You can only really find yourself by being someone else now and then. It's refreshing :)

Passers-by at Motion Notion

Graphite-ophile

I've been trying my hand at painting lately (that's why the radio silence all week). I need a break from it though, need to get into something that is my natural language. Ahhh, Graphite. How do I love thee? Firstly, Graphite, you are Erasable. So I can make mistakes :) Secondly, Graphite, you are Shiny. I love that. So I make shiny characters with you. Also you are grey and somber, Graphite, so I can make sad gloomy scary pictures with you too.

I've been drawing since I was 2 with graphite! No wonder I need to break away from it sometimes! 

I hope you like this drawing.... having fun with building my self-confidence, as usual :)

"been down so long it looks like Up to me"

Sometimes, I feel low. I do not like the edgy, dark whorls of panic and anxiety that bubble up at times. How could they not, though? Being an artist is serious shit. You give give give of yourself and rarely ask for anything back. You hope that people will enjoy what you do but rarely enjoy it yourself. And you worry about the next meal, the next pint, the next pad of paper.
Sometimes, people get you down. Sometimes you feel like putting your head down and just giving the fuck up. Of course, I cannot do that. I got two kids and a job and people to see and shit to do. No time for lying down and crying. So I drew this at work yesterday, and felt a TINY bit better. Like I'd had a cry.
I came home to some unpleasantness, which happens from time to time.... and all I could say was "that's life." I had already done my drawing, and could not get upset.
Not all my art is nice, not all is pretty.

"The First Unicorn" or ~"CREDO: I believe!"

Unicorn #1~India Ink

I believe in magic again. I do. Since I started REALLY drawing again three years ago I've gotten back in touch with my inner child. I had a wonderful childhood, filled with memories of drawing and scampering around rivers and more drawing and more rivers.

Many months ago now, I was looking at some of the drawings I had taken down in gesture drawing, and was struck by the confidence of the model. She is the kind of model that makes the room just drop away. We don't exist. We artists on the periphery are lucky we get to be there and observe, but I sense that modelling time is her time to build confidence and strength. It shines out of the markings.

I was also thinking of my confident, beautiful friend. She is a "unicorn:" a beautiful, single woman in the swinger lifestyle. She has taught me so much about self-esteem, sensuality, and how to get in touch with your emotions, good and bad ones, and face them. It's not all we talk about; as artists, our conversations roam everywhere, but it comes up, naturally. Now, when I feel crummy and ugly and old I stop for a minute and think "hmmmm... why am I thinking that?" And suddenly ugly and old doesn't even matter.

This Unicorn is an homage to all beautiful, mythical things that we never think will appear in our lives, but certainly do. I think it's time we all allowed a bit MORE mythology into our lives. Yeah yeah the Enlightenment was fun for some people, but we lost our Inner Child as a species.... all Order with no heart led to the Third Reich, after all. We can step back from our cold, calculated greed. We just inherited it; that doesn't mean we have to keep it. I say bring on the magic, bring in the myth. Let me sacrifice a dove to Venus today on an altar, please. I want to experience May Day the way May Day was meant to be experienced. Where is our Feast of Fools?

All I can offer you is this: a unicorn that knows no shame. 

Unicorn #2 ~pencil crayon

My Unicorn promotes herself well: this is her on the cover of Rolling Thunder Quarterly. Such a singular honour to have my drawing chosen to represent the spirit of written words. Seeing my work on a book cover was a fulfillment of a life-long dream. At 32. So, now that's in the bag, off to bigger things....

The Birth of Aphrodite

I'm having fun exploring the ancient Greek pantheon in my drawings, just like I used to as a kid. From the moment my grade 5 teacher exposed me to the myths I have been head-over-heels in love with them and drawn my own interpretations, not even aware that my behavior was part of the artistic tradition.

Oh, I love an allegory! I love wringing meaning and morals out of each tale. I love the personalities of the gods and goddesses. They help me understand being human a little better.

Aphrodite was born out of a violent act against the Patriarch. She is the result of a mixture of blood, semen, and sea foam, frothed into being from Uranos' testicles, cut from him by his son Kronos. She washed up on the shore of Kypros, accompanied by Eros and Himeros (longing) in Hesiod's version. When she steps onto the shore grasses grow up around her feet....

My Aphrodite struggles after her birth, spent and sodden. This is just a quick sketch, not more than 20 minutes in total. I like its raw energy.

And like every drawing, the pose, the attitude, the energy, the emotion.... they all come from my deepest places, my pains and triumphs. This drawing is no exception.

Here is another offering of the same theme, with my notes on the particular lines. I certainly hope you enjoy my treatment of a commonly explored myth :)

The Joy of Gesture Drawing

Gesture drawing...... 

The only time my mind is quiet is when I am drawing. Drawing so quickly and posing so dynamically is draining on both artist and model but invigorating, like going for a jog is. While I am drawing there is no thought in my head, no sound in the whole world that can reach me. I am a circle of energy flowing between eye, brain, arm, and hand. Never take your eyes off the subject for more than a few seconds. relax your f#&$!*g jaw. These are the only prompts from my otherwise silent computer brain.

The rest of the time my Gemini brain is yapping and yapping and yapping.....

I have a high I.Q. and graduated with a B.A. Honours in English long ago.... not sure why, with all my brains, I keep being sucked back to drawing again and again.....

Persephone Awaits Hades.... Dreamily

Spring is finally here!

Persephone's story is an allegorical one. I'll let you unpack it yourself - you are intelligent enough. I unpack it then rearrange the pieces. My Persephone wants to revel in the dark side a little. She is sunny and funny, yes, but deeply dark too.... Spring is cold at night, recall.

And pomegranate arils.... mmmm.... sexy!

"Mermeh" ~ or "Why I decided to go to Figure Drawing"

This drawing dates from YEARS ago... I just found it two days ago and had a good laugh. How nice of me to share something I find sub-par, eh? 

I drew this from a photo in a men's health magazine (they also feature many healthy female specimens of the species). I wanted a three-dimentional feel but didn't know how to lay down angles and straight lines, like building a structure to pour the concrete into....

so this is from about four years ago - 2007. I would like to think I've improved. I've learned, at least, that the best results come from drawing from life. Yes, a live model moves and breathes and eventually relaxes or tightens the muscles. Long pose models soften and slouch while gesture models firm up with the effort of twisting and holding themselves in such dynamic ways. Like day and night. I need both. It's good to learn how to move your drawing with the model. If you make the mark once you can CERTAINLY make it again, so I'm crazy with my eraser. I use it as much as I use the pencil.

Drawing from life really feels like tracing. What I'm tracing is in front of my face, not under the paper, and that is the only difference. I begin by picking raw straight lines out of the air around the model and laying them down like sticks on the paper, and soon you have a collection of angles that your brains sees as human. From there I tuck and cut and add and soften. I sculpt with my 2B pencil and my white eraser. I stop thinking and just give in to the motion of the pencil and the light falling gently in front of me, interrupted by the model's volume in space.....

There's also an energy in the drawings taken from life. The give-and-take energy flow between artist and model, subject and author, sparks on the paper. I am a low-fi girl. Give me paper and a pencil and an eraser. Give me a turntable and a vinyl record. Cleaned up digital stuff - well, that's what my frineds are for! I do the pencil work and then pass it along for some sprucing up and a colouring...

the best art is always a co-operative effort. Model and artist, artist and artist, artist and community. It's not easy to keep picking oneself up and keep being social, but without community and co-operation we artists are Nothing.

Here are three recent drawings from gesture drawing. The first two are one - three minute poses, and the third is a 15 minute pose.

And here are two examples of my long-pose work in conte crayons; about 2 hours of solid work. With breaks we stretch it to three.

Thanks for reading!

a soft focus

Like a child gazing into a mirror for the first few times, I am fascinated with the idealized images of myself I put down on paper. I know why I do it. It's a textbook case of self-exploration and a need to boost my self-esteem. It's also my way of sorting through all the powerful emotions...

Creative types are moody. No-one will contest that.

It is easier for me to draw myself as the helmeted and goggled warrior that I wish to be, but images revealing the softer side are harder for me and usually turn out looking awful. This one turned out alright - I was revelling in good company and a few too many drinks, and managed to put down on paper the way I felt. The original is done with gold ink from a friend's brushpen, so it shines in the light....

Other times I like to explore the lives I would love to live. I'm sure writers do it too :) Below is today's drawing of a flapper smoking the Devil's weed - a fine portrayal of another inner self.

Me... again.....

About once or twice a week I sit down to draw and, of course, my first few attempts are akward and sloppy. Rather than get frustrated I switch into something I know - doing myself in my beloved headgear. Always warms up my mojo.
I find this is also a good exercise for empowerment - how can I not feel strong and capable when I look at this?

My Own First Tattoo - Late Bloomer it is!

Finding my husband's tattoo concept sketch made me nostalgic to dig out this one.... the concept drawing for my own first tattoo. I was one of those "I'll never get a tattoo!" people until I dreamed this up as a joke - with a banner that reads "Late Bloomer." I couldn't stop thinking about it. There are about seven sketches previous to this one, so I was really trying hard and struggling back before I was doing much art. My kids were still little and it was hard to find the energy. I hammered this out though....

The artist, Deano, was thrilled, and honoured that he was my first ;) He and James Tex liked that I wanted my first tattoo to be so big and flashy. Getting the tattoo was an amazing experience - painful, naturally, but I was amazed to find myself doing just fine after 4.5 hours in the chair. 

Here is a photo of the tattoo in situ, and me, and my brother......

My Husband's Tattoo

My man Keith is my best friend, and the best drinking buddy a girl could ask for. Along the way we raucously and joyously designed this - and now it's on his left arm :)
He's a cook - and a damned good one. In his 15 year career he's become a master of breakfast. Who doesn't adore eggs benedict with freshly whipped-up holly sauce? Or a breakfast burrito to die for? I still crave the tostadas he made at Nellie's. Now he's the kitchen manager at the Dairy Lane cafe and is receiving accolades. I'm so proud of him.... and proud that he wears my design on his arm forever!

Miss Mercury

I was looking at a picture of my mother at age 22 just a few weeks ago, seeing so much of my own face. I began to draw this and my own face kinda blended in too.
I am a great lover of the Greek myths, and an avid reader of Roman poetry. Out of my infantile religiosity rises a respect for the god of my sun sign, Mercury. Many of my self-portraits portay me as wearing an aviator helmet, goggles, or a helmet of some sort. I adore being able to play out my fantasies and self-delusions with a pencil. Sculpt myself out of thin air, if you will. Inform my future.
I keep running away from being an artist, but it seems to have chosen me. So a smile through the tears. Thanks, Merc, for looking out for this silly Gemini girl ;)

Here, for example, is me in the aviator helmet and goggles I own, and the WWII nightshirt, enjoying my usual pastimes.....

This drawing is from Thursday, June 2. I've been thinking alot lately about my upbringing, and how rooted I was in the deep, cool, dark parts of organized religion. I didn't love God or feel anyhting akin to a Holy Spirit, but I felt the glory and magnificence of Human Beings celebrating. My father was the minister of a high Anglican church, so I was surrounded by pomp and circumstance. I would sneak my little buddies into the church, "marry" them, then let them make out in the hidden rooms and corriders that unfold like a Tardis in any old church.
Now I'm nothing near a christian, but the morality of it still interferes with my freedoms, especially as a woman. I gave up the Church but it won't let go of me! I want to expunge it, though, but failing that I decided to USE it.
This drawing is my own expression of how sick I am of being "pure" and "untouchable" - longing for a way to rip off the gown and wimple and just be revealed as myself.
I'm working on it!
<3

Open Book

Here's one of my personal favourites. It betrays my Gemini personality metaphorically - such an open book, but so closed in the most vital of areas. This Gemini gem revels in the privacy of her masks and recirculated air.... and doesn't mind if you want to look.
Her hair is inspired by Bettie Page, natch.....

My family and I just moved recently, and one of the best things that came from the move was finding all the STUFF that had hidden itself away over the years. I uncovered this painting from 1999, back when I was still a teenager! I was so happy to have found this particular painting.
Firstly, I know nothing of how to paint. I just jump in and do it. I'm proud to see how I managed back then, and understood that working from life creates vivid, energetic images.
Secondly, this room is very special to me. This is the upper bedroom in my grandparents' home in Tweed, Ontario. I adore the poppy wallpaper. The window looks out onto a wall of morning glories. Nearly every night in that part of Ontario a storm whips up, and I would throw the window completely open and stand in the rage of those amazing storms.
My grandparents always gave me alot of space as a little girl, since that's what I needed.... I really found who I was in those moments sipping from a bone china mug with roses on it.... just thinking.....

Hello there!
Here are two little bookend drawings I did.... hope you enjoy :)